and I'm gonna switch blogs. You can now find me at www.luckygirl75.wordpress.com I'll stop posting starting tomorrow.....
Thanks KLJ, I'm following you....does that make me a follower, wow that's weird.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
April 9th is officially...
pat Marcy on the back day!! Well, at least that's what Rizzi named it :). Yesterday was an awesome day for me, on all sorts of levels. And oddly enough it all started at IHOP. You see, IHOP currently has a Horton Hears a Who dinner for kids, and Cheyenne was so excited to get this dinner. So Rizzi, M, Wyatt, Chey and myself go there for dinner. When wer first entered, the handsome Manage, who is the gayes boy ever, said, long time no see. Ok, I don't even remember him, but he was so nice! As we walked to our table I noticed a woman and her son eating there, just the two of them. The boy was about Cheyenne's age I was guessing. This cute little man was having Horton for dinner as well. Rizzi and I are laughing and joking, as usual (she CRACKS me up all the time). I can't remember how the conversation got started, but next thing I know we are talking to this woman and son about the movie they just watched. The table next to us joined in the converstaion. It was awesome, stranger talking like friends, I live for it!! The conversation then turned to school and which Wyatt and Cheyenne attend. She said her son, B, goes to a private school as well, he is in preschool. God, its so hazy now, I just remember this woman was in pain, and you could see it on her face. She was well dressed, beautiful and just racked with grief. I could see it on her face. I couldn't help myself, I told her that she would be ok, whatever was hurting her would pass if she believed in herself. Ok, so you may be wondering why I said it. Wouldn't you if you knew it could change a persons life?
This woman started to cry. Marcy being Marcy I stood up on the bench, stepped over to where she was (behind us) and hugged her so tight. She hugged back, and held tightly as well. She let go, looked at me and asked if I was an angel. I laughed and told her, no, just some crazy lady from Ogden. :) It turns out this woman, B, is from Sacramento, recently divorced and in her first lesbian raltionship at age 40. How amazing that like people are drawn to like people. Truly, had no idea this woamn was "family" until after we hugged. It was funny, after we hugged tight and wiped our tears away, I extended my hand and said, "my names Marcy, what's yours?" We both laughed.
I sat with her and her son for about half an hour, we exchanged numbers and I hope to hear from her soon. I was worried about her last night. At one point in the conversation she askes Rizzi, who is still behind us, if she was ok with her and I talking. Rizzi laughed and said, I'm so used to it, I love that she can help. God she is perfect for me!!
Ok, so I get back to our table and start eating with the fam. The manager, who happened to be our server as well, comes to the table and asks me, do you remember me? OMG, please, no tests!! I said, you look familiar. You never know if it's from the jail....well!!! He says to me, well you were the most inspiring customer I've ever helped. He said that years ago I had come in for breakfast and he was BRAND new. He told me that I was the most positive customer he had and that I complimented him often. Often enough to inspire him to stay and work into management. He explained that I helped his self confidence a TON at work. How fuckin cool is that?? I almost cried again. I told him thanks and that it meant a ton to me that he would take the time to tell me. So by this time Rizzi and I are laughing and joking about my ego...I am human, it felt good to have people tell you how special you are.
So then we get home and I notice K is online. I drop him a line and ask how he is feeling. He says he's awesome. Stir crazy but awesome. He then tells me that he talked to his therapist about me today and how incredible I am in his life. He types that he loves me so much and that I have been an incredible friend. OMG, I am LOVING today right!!! How can you go wrong? I express my love for everyone daily, and it's nice to get it back in return.
And on a final note...My friend P&C, she I/M'd and told me what a positive influence I've been in her life, that her life has changed for the best since she has met me and that I am like family to her. I love her sooo much!!! I seriously don't know what to say to all the events of today, but Rizzi chuckled, pulled me close to her and said, holy shit babe, it's officially pat Marcy on the back day. She made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants :) Rizzi thanked me for being me, I thanked her for being her and off to bed we went so we could officially pat Marcy on the back ;)
This woman started to cry. Marcy being Marcy I stood up on the bench, stepped over to where she was (behind us) and hugged her so tight. She hugged back, and held tightly as well. She let go, looked at me and asked if I was an angel. I laughed and told her, no, just some crazy lady from Ogden. :) It turns out this woman, B, is from Sacramento, recently divorced and in her first lesbian raltionship at age 40. How amazing that like people are drawn to like people. Truly, had no idea this woamn was "family" until after we hugged. It was funny, after we hugged tight and wiped our tears away, I extended my hand and said, "my names Marcy, what's yours?" We both laughed.
I sat with her and her son for about half an hour, we exchanged numbers and I hope to hear from her soon. I was worried about her last night. At one point in the conversation she askes Rizzi, who is still behind us, if she was ok with her and I talking. Rizzi laughed and said, I'm so used to it, I love that she can help. God she is perfect for me!!
Ok, so I get back to our table and start eating with the fam. The manager, who happened to be our server as well, comes to the table and asks me, do you remember me? OMG, please, no tests!! I said, you look familiar. You never know if it's from the jail....well!!! He says to me, well you were the most inspiring customer I've ever helped. He said that years ago I had come in for breakfast and he was BRAND new. He told me that I was the most positive customer he had and that I complimented him often. Often enough to inspire him to stay and work into management. He explained that I helped his self confidence a TON at work. How fuckin cool is that?? I almost cried again. I told him thanks and that it meant a ton to me that he would take the time to tell me. So by this time Rizzi and I are laughing and joking about my ego...I am human, it felt good to have people tell you how special you are.
So then we get home and I notice K is online. I drop him a line and ask how he is feeling. He says he's awesome. Stir crazy but awesome. He then tells me that he talked to his therapist about me today and how incredible I am in his life. He types that he loves me so much and that I have been an incredible friend. OMG, I am LOVING today right!!! How can you go wrong? I express my love for everyone daily, and it's nice to get it back in return.
And on a final note...My friend P&C, she I/M'd and told me what a positive influence I've been in her life, that her life has changed for the best since she has met me and that I am like family to her. I love her sooo much!!! I seriously don't know what to say to all the events of today, but Rizzi chuckled, pulled me close to her and said, holy shit babe, it's officially pat Marcy on the back day. She made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants :) Rizzi thanked me for being me, I thanked her for being her and off to bed we went so we could officially pat Marcy on the back ;)
Monday, April 7, 2008
Ok, were to begin...
So kids were dropped off by Andy and his wife on Friday at about 2100. Wyatt was upset, crying, lips quivering and trying so hard to "be brave." His dad tells him over and over not to cry and be brave. When he got in the house I told him to cry all he wanted...it didn't make him less brave. If anything, it made him a brave little man to cry if he needed to. I told him I would take him to the zoo or the dino park on Saturday. The first thing he asked is if we would be there early in the morning. I told him no, that we would be sleeping in. He then infoms me that when we woke up in the morning his dad would be gone for one year....*sigh*. Funny thing about kids though, when I told him we would go somewhere he got so excited he started dancing around the house. Him and Chey did really well on Saturday, only Wyatt mentioned his daddy being gone one time. We ended up going to the Clarke Planetarium and going to see K. He is doing so well :)
I was supposed to give kids back to Kit on Sunday morning, but inevitably she couldnt watch them....she was too emotionally drained. I am the Captain of my counties potlucks, so I was unable to go, but it worked out for the best. I got to see P&C, K and all the kids played all day long, it was awesome. K stayed until 0200 and we had lengthy discussion about relationships....why is it balanced healthy people in relationships become counselors :) I love K and hope he gets the relationship he deserves...he's a great SINGLE guy, for all of those out there that may no a great SINGLE lady. ;)
Ok, let me vent real quickly about my kids and there schedule. First off, Andy asked that I keep the schedule the same (Kit having them Fri-Mon). Now I like to believe that I am an accomodating person, working with Andy for the kids sake. Rizzi, Kit, Andy and I went to lunch a week before he left. Kit didn't say much, but Andy, Rizzi and I talked about the summer schedule, what school they will attend, and pretty much anything you can think of for the next year. The problem is, Kit never talked about her work schedule, how she is going to get help if she needs it, etc. So when Andy called me Saturday to let me know that Kit couldn't take the kids on Sun I was perturbed. I mean, the whole reason I agreeded to allowing the kids to go to Andy's house while he is gone is so they could still have a sense of normalcy, to be around his space. But, seriously, if we can't have a routine schedule, fuck it, I'm keeping them with me and I'll figure out daycare. I can't go week to week not knowing what to expect out of Kit. Last night I noticed she was signed into her I/M so asked how she was doing and if she was holding up ok. I told her I was keeping the kids busy, so they were doing fine. She text back, "Thank you for keeping them busy." WTF?? Are you serious, thank you, there my kids, no thanks necessary. I was pissed, and I don't know if I'm justified in it, but oh well, it's what I was. She said she had to go out to the barn and feed the horses, so I asked that she call me later in the evening. She never did. I want to talk with her and make sure that she is good with the schedule, or if someting would work better for her. FUCK....I really don't need this lack of the unkown...I want a schedule and I want it now :)
I was supposed to give kids back to Kit on Sunday morning, but inevitably she couldnt watch them....she was too emotionally drained. I am the Captain of my counties potlucks, so I was unable to go, but it worked out for the best. I got to see P&C, K and all the kids played all day long, it was awesome. K stayed until 0200 and we had lengthy discussion about relationships....why is it balanced healthy people in relationships become counselors :) I love K and hope he gets the relationship he deserves...he's a great SINGLE guy, for all of those out there that may no a great SINGLE lady. ;)
Ok, let me vent real quickly about my kids and there schedule. First off, Andy asked that I keep the schedule the same (Kit having them Fri-Mon). Now I like to believe that I am an accomodating person, working with Andy for the kids sake. Rizzi, Kit, Andy and I went to lunch a week before he left. Kit didn't say much, but Andy, Rizzi and I talked about the summer schedule, what school they will attend, and pretty much anything you can think of for the next year. The problem is, Kit never talked about her work schedule, how she is going to get help if she needs it, etc. So when Andy called me Saturday to let me know that Kit couldn't take the kids on Sun I was perturbed. I mean, the whole reason I agreeded to allowing the kids to go to Andy's house while he is gone is so they could still have a sense of normalcy, to be around his space. But, seriously, if we can't have a routine schedule, fuck it, I'm keeping them with me and I'll figure out daycare. I can't go week to week not knowing what to expect out of Kit. Last night I noticed she was signed into her I/M so asked how she was doing and if she was holding up ok. I told her I was keeping the kids busy, so they were doing fine. She text back, "Thank you for keeping them busy." WTF?? Are you serious, thank you, there my kids, no thanks necessary. I was pissed, and I don't know if I'm justified in it, but oh well, it's what I was. She said she had to go out to the barn and feed the horses, so I asked that she call me later in the evening. She never did. I want to talk with her and make sure that she is good with the schedule, or if someting would work better for her. FUCK....I really don't need this lack of the unkown...I want a schedule and I want it now :)
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I'm soooo EXCITED!!!
I know I already did a post today, but I couldn't help myself. I just received a letter from the private school Wy and Chey attend. Rizzi and I were going to put them in public school because we couldn't afford to send them anymore (Andy stopped paying his full tution cost and it was killin us!) BUT, I just received a notice that the kids were granted a scholarship and we will only have to pay half the tuition!! How fuckin cool is that? Yeah, I'm pretty much dancing right now :)
Suicide....
what a peculiar way to solve frustration and guilt. Now I know most of you believe suicide is a way to stop the "pain" of life, but I believe it is a way to stop frustration. The reason I bring this up is that at work last night two inmates attempted suicide. Now I am no expert, but isn't that the most cowardly of acts? Now I am not making judgement, we all deal with our frustration and guilt in different ways, but I can't seem to wrap my mind around individuals who dwell on their own suffering. Don't we all suffer to some degree, I mean EVERYONE. We all have a story, filled with greatness and sorrow at times. But seriously, who was the first person to conceive of the notion of taking your life to stop frustration? I consider myself fortunate, I suppose, for not allowing my heart to overtake my mind....or is it the other way around?
I listened to one inmate say he just wanted to move out of his cold cell, so he chose to try and hang himself with a sock (I must say he was not really trying to harm himself, just needed some attention), but the other was doing a fine job of cutting his wrists with a broken up plastic cup. When I spoke with him he said that he was a "scratcher" (meaning a cutter I'm sure) and that he just needed to release the pain. I get that, isn't that weird, that inflicting pain and allowing it to "leave" your body can make sense to me even frightens me :). But then he went on to say that he had nothing to "live for" since his father died. How sad that a person doesn't value their own self worth and gives that away to others. Even after telling me he's better off dead, he tried to convince me that he wasn't suicidal....a suicidal subject in denial is not easy to deal with. I explained that his statements, along with his actions, are self destructive, which can be viewed as suicidal. He wanted to argue, but if you know me at all, it wasn't much of an argument. He wanted to continue to tell me that he "couldn't believe I was thinking he wanted to committ suicide." WOW!!! I ever so gently explained that I didn't know what he was thinking, but I have a duty to protect, even if it's him against himself. It was surreal. He was empty and frustrated. He was non-responsive emotionally, even to himself. He was lost. I hate my job sometimes, it's draining and uncaring at moments, but on the other hand it has helped shape my view of the world. It has helped me remain positive, as unrealisitic as that may sound. It makes me appreciate the "white lights" floating around in the universe. It truly makes me embrace life with a HUGE hug every morning and a goodnight kiss as I fall into slumber. Life is what you make it right? Even through frustration, guilt, pain and sorrow.
I listened to one inmate say he just wanted to move out of his cold cell, so he chose to try and hang himself with a sock (I must say he was not really trying to harm himself, just needed some attention), but the other was doing a fine job of cutting his wrists with a broken up plastic cup. When I spoke with him he said that he was a "scratcher" (meaning a cutter I'm sure) and that he just needed to release the pain. I get that, isn't that weird, that inflicting pain and allowing it to "leave" your body can make sense to me even frightens me :). But then he went on to say that he had nothing to "live for" since his father died. How sad that a person doesn't value their own self worth and gives that away to others. Even after telling me he's better off dead, he tried to convince me that he wasn't suicidal....a suicidal subject in denial is not easy to deal with. I explained that his statements, along with his actions, are self destructive, which can be viewed as suicidal. He wanted to argue, but if you know me at all, it wasn't much of an argument. He wanted to continue to tell me that he "couldn't believe I was thinking he wanted to committ suicide." WOW!!! I ever so gently explained that I didn't know what he was thinking, but I have a duty to protect, even if it's him against himself. It was surreal. He was empty and frustrated. He was non-responsive emotionally, even to himself. He was lost. I hate my job sometimes, it's draining and uncaring at moments, but on the other hand it has helped shape my view of the world. It has helped me remain positive, as unrealisitic as that may sound. It makes me appreciate the "white lights" floating around in the universe. It truly makes me embrace life with a HUGE hug every morning and a goodnight kiss as I fall into slumber. Life is what you make it right? Even through frustration, guilt, pain and sorrow.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
What a wonderful weekend I had...
You may be saying to yourself, but it's Wednesday...I know!! :) You see I worked Fri-Sun 1900-0700, so I went to bed Monday at 0700. So really, its like haveing Tues and Wed off. Anyway, the whole point being, I have jacked up weekends. Monday I was supposed to stay awake and take K to see his doctor after his surgery, but for some reason the gods have it out for me and it snows a TON when I'm supposed to go to SLC. I came home instead and slept until 1300, got kids at 1500 and drove to SugarHouse to make K some dinner. P&C went with me, she ROCKS.
Speaking of P&C, there is a coffee shop on Washintion just South of 12th street (used to be a BBQ place), she stopped there to get us some chai's for the trip. Well, P&C was talking on the phone and so she waved the car behind her to go before her (she's so polite.) The car goes and leaves and P&C pulls up orders, gets the drinks and is going to pay but the cashier tells her the car before her paid already. Just when P&C and I have lost hope in humanity! The cashier explains it's a woman who visits quite frequently, so P&C give the cashier enough money to cover the woman's drink and the cashier a hefty tip. Cashier doesn't want to take it, but P&C insists. HOW COOL IS THAT STORY! I know where I'm gettin my coffee from here on out, AND, it's locally owned YAY!!
It was nice to have dinner with K, P&C and the kids. K looks FANTASTIC. He is so excited for his change. It was nice for my kids to be exposed to change and difference and have it be a beautiful thing, though my son is having a hard time understanding. No forcing understanding, but he'll either get it, or he won't. Simple!!
Yesterday I woke up wanting to clean the whole entire world, but I kept it in the kitchen. I took kids to school at 0730 and came home and swiffered the floors in the kitchen, dining room and Front room. I then scrubbed them. Like Cinderella scrubbed them and then mopped them with Murphy's oil. They look awesome. The wood is so shiny. I love my hard wood floors, one of the bonus' of owning an older home. Of course within a half an hour my dog streaked through the house with muddy paws. And 3 hours after that my kids got home and wanted egg salad sandwiches. Now when a kids want egg salad sandwiches they want to de-shell them (DUH!!). OMG, yeah it was messy. But the cool thing, my kids OFFERED to clean it up. I love that they are getting older. My sister stopped by with Livy, god that little girl is delicious!! Rizzi got home late, but she made up for it later that night....not what you thinking :) She talked to me forever, and for Marcy, that can be better than sex....well not always but anyway :)
I work the next two nights and have the weekend off, and bonus, I have the kids this weekend. Andy leaves Saturday....so not looking forward to that. I think I'll end up crying with my son because I can't imagine my dad leaving when I was 7. But, hey, let's not focus on crappy things that haven't happened yet.
Thanks for letting me ramble!!
Speaking of P&C, there is a coffee shop on Washintion just South of 12th street (used to be a BBQ place), she stopped there to get us some chai's for the trip. Well, P&C was talking on the phone and so she waved the car behind her to go before her (she's so polite.) The car goes and leaves and P&C pulls up orders, gets the drinks and is going to pay but the cashier tells her the car before her paid already. Just when P&C and I have lost hope in humanity! The cashier explains it's a woman who visits quite frequently, so P&C give the cashier enough money to cover the woman's drink and the cashier a hefty tip. Cashier doesn't want to take it, but P&C insists. HOW COOL IS THAT STORY! I know where I'm gettin my coffee from here on out, AND, it's locally owned YAY!!
It was nice to have dinner with K, P&C and the kids. K looks FANTASTIC. He is so excited for his change. It was nice for my kids to be exposed to change and difference and have it be a beautiful thing, though my son is having a hard time understanding. No forcing understanding, but he'll either get it, or he won't. Simple!!
Yesterday I woke up wanting to clean the whole entire world, but I kept it in the kitchen. I took kids to school at 0730 and came home and swiffered the floors in the kitchen, dining room and Front room. I then scrubbed them. Like Cinderella scrubbed them and then mopped them with Murphy's oil. They look awesome. The wood is so shiny. I love my hard wood floors, one of the bonus' of owning an older home. Of course within a half an hour my dog streaked through the house with muddy paws. And 3 hours after that my kids got home and wanted egg salad sandwiches. Now when a kids want egg salad sandwiches they want to de-shell them (DUH!!). OMG, yeah it was messy. But the cool thing, my kids OFFERED to clean it up. I love that they are getting older. My sister stopped by with Livy, god that little girl is delicious!! Rizzi got home late, but she made up for it later that night....not what you thinking :) She talked to me forever, and for Marcy, that can be better than sex....well not always but anyway :)
I work the next two nights and have the weekend off, and bonus, I have the kids this weekend. Andy leaves Saturday....so not looking forward to that. I think I'll end up crying with my son because I can't imagine my dad leaving when I was 7. But, hey, let's not focus on crappy things that haven't happened yet.
Thanks for letting me ramble!!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
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