So new...

to all of this, but I think it's a good form of Therapy!! First off, there is so much ground to cover, but I'll just try to do it day by day and hope that it will all come together in the end...hmmmm...interesting, isn't that lifes path right there??? Do you ever feel like the world is so messed up and the more you try to clean, the messier it becomes....it's like you start cleaning the floors, move the couch and holy shit....more dirt. So you clean up the under the couch, feelin pretty good that you've accomplished a task, move the couch back, and holy shit....more dirt....AHHHHH!!!

I swear I feel like we put out a fire with J and next thing you know...she's found someting else to knit pick about. She sent an e-mail tonight going on how I am not M's mother and I have no rights to him, he CAN NOT be in my care without R being present and if we do this it is contempt of their agreement....REALLY??? Is that in M's best interest truly? How can another woman, who is also in a lesbian relationship, cast that type of judgement. It fascinates me that there are str8 people who recognize my relationship, yet a woman who has been a lesbian FOREVER is unwilling to do so.....get a grip J, we are together, I love your son, take care of your son, provide for you son and hold him responsible like my own.

It makes me sad, I sat at a rally at the Capitol on the 13th and looked around at men and women dying to adpot their children, and I look at my partner (her son was the last child in Utah to be allowed to be adopted by a same sex couple) and think of the struggle she stills faces DAILY from a hateful woman. And at that same moment I look at K L J who lost her daughter to a hateful woman, and this is horrible, and wonder which one of them suffers more. Is it the woman who craves the touch of her daughter, to see her, feel her, smell her? Or is it the woman who has those above mentioned, but fights a daily battle for her son not to think that she is evil, doesn't love him and convince him we are family too? J continues to tell M that we aren't family and that Rizzi never wanted him. Who does that? Who INTENTIONALLY emotinally abuses her son and blames the other parent....OMG, someone, help me understand. I'm the one who sees the hurt, frustration, sadness, anger, of my partner....for what?? So J can feel vindicated? So she can say she won.....like M is a prize? The horrible part is we can't afford to go to court....god this makes me cry.....to save him from this abuse. She knows it too, she knows we don't have the money for a custody evaluation, to continue to go to mediation, and she takes advantage of it!! When did it become about money....it's not about the best interest of the child, it's about what parent can afford to take the other to court. Hell it was over $20,000 for minimum standard visitation 3 years ago..still paying for that.

We came home to an e-mail (their only form of communication) saying that if he were to be in my care for more than 4 hours then he was to be dropped off on Saturday at 1900 (it's our extra time with M for President's day). Now don't get me wrong....it is in the agreement that if the child (M) is to be out of the parents care for more than 4 hours the parent is to offer the time with the legal parent before someone else. We have explained to her no less than 3 times that R will be home with him, but she continues to say we are violating the agreement. J....we get it!! We know the agreement and would let you know when we will be working etc for more than 4 hours!! We aren't keeping him from you J. As hard as it is, we don't talk badly about J, we push for a healthy good relationship with you.



On a positive note, Wyatt tonight while watching a movie says to me, "mom when I grow up and make a movie I'm gonna make it with two boys, one white, one black, and show the world that black and white together is a good thing." OHHHH I love him!!



More to come....